Nimepotea sana.

No matter if you’re gone for one day or 53 of them, there is one common greeting from the villagers, “Umepotea sana!” Meaning, “you have been very lost!”. Yes everyone, nimepotea sana. Pole (sorry). Indeed I have been “lost”. Personally I like to call it “traveling”.

My trip was sort of in five different parts. For the first part, I took the train from Dar to Zambia and back again; for a total of five nights on the train. You’d think a person would go crazy, or grow just a little bit edgy from all that time on a train, but man, I’d rather spend five nights on a train as opposed to five hours on a Tanzanian bus. Maybe I’m just used to taking night trains from traveling around Eastern Europe, but you won’t understand what I’m talking about until you’ve been forced to sit on a bus for 14 straight hours.

The insanity was lessened and moderated due to the seven other PCVs  I was traveling with. We were a good mix of chill, crazy, and somewhere in between. I had the pleasure of spending 52 hours straight in a cabin with two outrageous education volunteers, and an even more ridiculous brother of one of them who was visiting. I don’t think I’ve laughed that much in my life. Or, at least not yet in my life in Tanzania.

We ended up white water rafting down the Zambezi, and were able to see the enormity of Victoria Falls. It really is outrageous how huge the falls are, and white water rafting was intense! I’m glad I did it, but I think I’ll stick to land adventure for a little while. By the end of the day, my head was full of water and I was exhausted from trying not to drown. All joking aside, it was an amazing experience and I got to be a part of the Zambezi for a day.

On the way back to Dar, our train stopped. We didn’t know why, and to this day we still actually don’t. Due to the upcoming holidays (Christmas and New Years), there were a lot of other PCVs traveling on the train; from Uganda and Zambia mostly. We all got out and started to wait, this ended up being 4.5 hours of waiting. The instant you know you’re a true PCV is the instant you don’t realize how long you’ve actually been waiting for. After a while, we noticed there was no engine to be found, so, we did what any normal PCV would do, played Frisbee. And when it got dark, we played light-up Frisbee. It was a pretty relaxing wait actually. Due to the 4.5 hours of waiting and the already slow-and-steady speed, we ended up spending an extra, unexpected night on the train. Some were upset; we looked at it like a free place to stay! It did, however, alter our Christmas plans (as it was going to be Christmas Eve the next day), but we improvised.

Part two: Bagamoyo. Bagamoyo is a historic town just north of Dar. We spent Christmas lying on the beach. Difficult, I know. But, coming from a girl who has been eternally freezing for the past 24 (I was in Tanzania last year) Christmases, I deserve a Christmas on the beach. It was a sleepy town with an art market, slave sights, and one of the oldest mosque ruins in Eastern Africa. But, the beach was by far my favorite part of Christmas 2012.

I spent New Years on a beach too. Zanzibar. Yes, that is all I do. Lay on the beach. About seven girls in my class and I all went to Zanzibar for New Years, we saved up our shillings like good little girls so we could splurge on a good drink here and there and do a bit of gift shopping.  We had a good mix of girls and did an array of exciting things. Our first day there we pulled an all-nighter at a very rare full moon party on the North beach. It was nice to be in a modern setting with some other Americans. We ended up going back for another all-nighter a couple nights later for New Years. Aside from all the nightlife fun, we also got to see some HUGE tortoises, ride in a boat called “Boo Yah”, have margaritas and daiquiris on a roof-top bar, and experience the intensity of the Fordhani Gardens (huge food market).

This brings me to our Mid-Service Conference (MSC). One year! Woo! Our entire class congregated in Dar for an entire week. It was nice to see everyone after about nine months. Work-wise, we went to the dentist, got poked and prodded by the PC docs, who needed to make sure we weren’t dying or malnourished, and shared information about what we’ve been up to in our villages. It was an exhausting week, but nice to see everyone and catch up.

I then had a bit of a choice to make. I could either take five buses and spend nine days in my village; or take one bus and spend 14 days visiting friends in their villages. Naturally I chose the latter. I ended up visiting and staying at six different villages in Singida and Manyara Regions. It was really interesting to see how different we all live!

After playing hooky for about two weeks, I went to Iringa for a Zinduka training. Zinduka is a grassroots soccer program teaching kids ages 10-19 about HIV and Malaria. Right up my alley! It would have been the most fun and time worthy training, except for the fact that I had strep throat the entire week. Finally on Friday, after four days of suffering, I had a fellow PCV look into my throat and lo and behold, white pussy shit. After taking the first antibiotic I felt a hundred times better. It was still an amazingly fun training with two counterparts from our villages. We are all “coaches” now J  I was debating going to this training for a while. It was bad timing with ending MSC, and it does suck to travel down to Mtwara in the rainy season (right now), but I’m overly pleased I went. It gives me one more approach to try in my village. Sometimes ideas are either shot down or not even given a second look; but this program has been a hit (I’ll explain more).

All in all, me being “lost” has been rejuvenating and given me a breath of fresh air. It also helps that now I have a site mate who is super sweet and only a nine minute bike ride away. If our respective PCV classes had grade levels, I’d be a Junior in college right now; a Senior in June. Feels good to be the elder, the one that knows most things about the way things work (or sometimes don’t) in Tanzania. But, I still have a lot of learning to do, I’m sure.

A little pep talk...

Living over here so far away from family and friends has forced me to rely on myself a lot more than I thought I’d be capable of. Now, I’m fine with that change and for the opportunity to grow. But. When I get to a handwritten letter or am able to chat with a family member or friend for even just a few minutes on facebook or G-chat, I realize how much I really do need their active support and encouragement. It’s not that I need a cheering section complete with uniforms and pom-poms; I simply crave the old and familiar connections of home. That’s what gives me refuge in my hardest times here, that’s what gives me comfort when I’m sick. I realize I also need to remember why I came over here…

I’ll be honest . . . lately, times have been a bit tough. It may be the scary and ever so dreaded one-year mark us PCVs hear about, or it could be a lack of work in my village. It seems no matter how much work I put into a project or thought; something happens that prevents it from coming to completion. For example, my World AIDS Day event (a village wide testing day) has been postponed, maybe canceled due to a shortage of tests at the District level. How are we supposed to support the testing for HIV when we can’t even get tests? Another example, the one project I’ve been excited for at my Health Dispensary may not happen either. They desperately need a new and safer delivery bed, but the people who need to be involved and invested may not make the time or effort; therefore it can and should not happen. I cannot write a grant myself. I cannot ‘give’ them what they want, for it will ultimately be unsustainable. And this is what they will expect from all ‘wazungu’. I cannot push and push them to do the work either, for that is not going to make them want to help any more than if I were to care less about the project. However, there are a few accomplishments and successes that have been tangible here and those are the ones I need to dwell on. Those are the ones I need to contract my encouragement from.

So, when I feel utterly useless here, I realize I need to remember why I’ve thought about Peace Corps since I was a freshman in college. Since stepping off the plane from Ghana.  Why I wanted to come live here for so many years. I’m afraid the cliché answer is also my answer. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to get a life experience only a handful of people would understand. I wanted to challenge myself in ways I never thought possible. I wanted to walk down a path in my village no one else will walk down. I wanted difficulty. So, that’s what I got. This is the challenging part; this is when I need to re-read my aspiration statement. To remember why I decided leaving my life in America to learn a new culture, language, and way of life in Tanzania would be a good idea.

It’s a good idea, because I’m learning more about myself than most people will probably ever know about themselves. I know that I can do this. Now, while that knowledge may get clouded and misplaced sometimes, it’s always there. And, that while life may not always be easy, I know I can ultimately persevere and succeed. 

Thank you.

I am enormously appreciative of people’s kindness and generosity back at home. Care packages and letters really do make it easier to live here. It’s like love in a box. I don’t know what I’d do without my mom constantly accepting my list of things I need/want (licorice!) and diligently getting those things together for me. I think it helps that she likes to shop J Thanks Mom!

To all of my siblings, whom have the busiest lives I know, and still managed to send me packages; thanks Jonathan/Mary, Erica/Zach, and Laura (with the help of Joe!).

To my Aunt Dorothy and her friend Darlene who contributed in helping to send me a Christmas package. Thank you Dorothy and Darlene! Please keep reading my blog!

And to all my friends back at home, from childhood, and college; I appreciate all the time and money it takes to put a package together and send it to Africa J Thank you Rebecca, Tera, Liz, Becky, Shannon, Adam, and Karolyn!

It’s remarkable the impact you have on someone that makes them want to help and send a package. Thank you: Joan, my NY mentor; Jaci and Neil, by far the best couple I’ve worked for (how’s the paint job holding up?); and Shannon Fredrick, my forever YMCA friend. I appreciate your thoughtfulness!

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to put together a package, or write a letter. Those are priceless. Your kindness and thoughtfulness has not gone undetected.

And I promise that if any of you find yourselves in Africa or another obscure place, you can definitely expect some love in a box J

I hope everyone is doing well! Hug America for me! And please someone eat a sandwich for me!!!!

WORK?! I'm a PCV, what's that? Jk, we really do work here.

So how about I fill you all in on what I’ve actually been WORKING on here in Tanzania for the last 9 months…

I helped start a Community Based Savings Group in my village. The organization Aga Khan, employs Field Officers who come right to my village; I just had to get the right people in touch with the right people. The purpose of this group is for all 25 members to each put in a fixed amount of money each week to the community pot. They can also put in an amount of their choosing to the loan pot. Then, they are able to take out loans for whatever they may need it for, business investments, hut repair, school fees, etc. They have 3 months to repay their loan, with the additional money from the small interest rate. This will enable the villagers to save their money in a safe place for emergencies. It is actually a great concept here in the village, and Aga Khan is a very respectable organization with diligent employees who thrive on timeliness and professionalism.

Each month, I help out with the baby weighing clinics at the Health Dispensary in my village. Sometimes I help the mamas put the cloth on the babies so they can put them on the scale hook, and sometimes I help fill out the cards measuring the progress of the baby and their weight. To my surprise, only a handful of babies were severely underweight or had lost weight as they’ve grown. I thought the number would be much higher. However, just because a majority of the babies are at a healthy weight doesn’t mean they’re healthy. Nutrition is a huge difficulty here. Even for me! Especially when their diets consist mostly of starches and sugar. In general, good nutrition is nonexistent.

One evening in June, Population Services International (PSI) came to my village. They are a mobile movie unit that come from Mtwara and travels to different villages to show educational films. They drive through the village inviting everyone to come to the FREE movies to be shown at the market area; then they take out their generator and set up a projector and screen. My sitemate’s village (who is gone now :/) and my village were combined because we live so close, so there were about 400 villagers there total. They showed one movie about protecting adolescents from early pregnancy, and one about the importance of being faithful. The villagers loved the movies! However, this is probably because only about a fourth of the people in my village have ever left my village, so the rest have never seen a movie on a big projector. And, also, it’s not everyday that a car arrives with a movie screen and generator for a night of education and entertainment.

There’s this girl in my village that is HIV+. Now, the stigmas that are attached to HIV/AIDS don’t allow many people to talk about such a topic openly. I was put in touch with her through an RPCV who she had once worked with. I agreed to meet with her and help in any way possible. She came over and we sat on my front porch talking. She was super shy at first so I was doing a lot of the talking. Eventually, I sorted out that she lives with her grandma who is also HIV+, her aunt, and her aunt’s daughter. I finally understood what she expected from me when she, in a vastly roundabout way, asked me for bus fare. Money. ALWAYS money. I felt awful, but I kept telling her that I literally can’t give her money; I don’t have a salary and, thus, can’t give her money. Besides, me giving her money wouldn’t do either of us any good. She’d still need money the next time she had to travel anywhere, and everyone in the village would be knocking on my door expecting me to give them money. I told her I’m here to be her friend, talk with her, and/or teach her health education. It took her a while to get up and go back home, empty-handed. And, it also took her a good 3 weeks before she decided that I wasn’t such a bad person, and it was worth it to allow me to teach her. So, we’ve had two sessions (puberty and menstruation), and she’s agreed to come every Monday evening. I’ll eventually teach a few sessions about HIV/AIDS, nutrition, and the importance of taking her medications, along with other health sessions. But, for now, I’m going to ease her into some basic health and hygiene information to try to keep her as healthy as possible. If all I do is teach this one girl about being healthy for the entire 2 years I’m here, I can give myself a pat on the back; because I will have helped educate one HIV+ young girl.

I helped to re-start a chicken group. The volunteer before me started it, but it fell apart when she left (which isn’t abnormal). So, I had a meeting with a few core members of the group and they decided to restart the meetings and move forward. To the best of my understanding (I’m still learning, I’m not an environment volunteer after all), the ultimate purpose of this chicken group is income generation. They will eventually be able to breed enough chickens, which they will be able to sell along with their eggs for profit. Right now, they are in the process of finishing the construction of the chicken coop. Each member puts in a certain amount of money each week to buy the materials to make cement and then they each take turns building a portion of the coop. Once they have a safe and secure place to house the chickens, each member contributes one healthy chicken, it is then my job to go to town with the mission of buying two high-quality roosters. Yes, I will be that annoying person with a few live roosters on the bus. Once they officially figure out a schedule of feeding them, taking care of them, and looking out for any difficulties; they will be able to sell the eggs. A schedule for the overall management of the chicken group and the chickens is necessary. Without this management the whole project could either fall apart or just one person may be stuck with all the work of caring for the chickens. Then, in the future, they will be able to sell the chickens, thus fulfilling the income-generating scheme.

I am also working on two different types of grants. The first is to organize a World AIDS Day village-wide testing day. World AIDS Day is on Dec. 1^st, and I’d like two HIV testers and one counselor to come from the hospital in town and perform confidential HIV testing to whoever will attend from my village. I’ve met and talked with the District AIDS Coordinator in town and am currently working on the budget. Now, I’m going to try to make it a semi-fun day, and hopefully they will be able to overlook the stigmas and enjoy themselves while becoming educated on one of the most important topics concerning health in Africa. I’m planning on having music and speakers to draw attention and invite people to the event. The testers will begin confidential testing in two separate classrooms whenever people start to arrive. I will pan on providing chai and lunch for the testers, driver, counterparts, and cooks (students will hopefully volunteer to cook). I will have a lot of educational opportunities available: condom demonstrations, nutrition, how to support PLWHA, stigma, the importance of testing, etc. I will have a Healthcare Professional teach a session on HIV/AIDS, and a PLWHA guest speaker. Hopefully everything will go according to plan, although, I’m expecting countless problems just because the life of a PCV pulling off a project without difficulty is unheard of.

The second grant I’m working on is a Maternal and Child Health grant. The Health Dispensary Committee in my village has expressed their desire for a new delivery bed, stethoscopes, blood pressure cuffs, and scales for babies and adults. Now, since this is pretty much just us writing the grant and them receiving medical equipment, I have decided to ensure I work in some promising teaching opportunities for myself as a measure of sustainability, monitoring, and evaluation. I’ve met with the District Medical Officer in town and went over costs for the equipment, and the fact that they will need to contribute 25% of the total cost of the grant. This is how we ensure the community has an interest in the grant and encourages community participation. It teaches them the importance of “owning” the project and assisting in any work that needs to be done throughout the project. I’m not expecting this particular grant to be finished and finalized until next year sometime; that’s how long one project here in Tanzania takes…

Anyway, there are other little things that I’m doing here, but these are the biggest projects that take up my time. I’m excited about everything I’m involved in, and am crossing my fingers the grants work out!

One-liners, purely for your enjoyment

More often than not, when you feel that crawling sensation on your skin, there’s something on you. Nothing’s more peaceful than writing letters by candlelight. 

When bored, staring at a wall really can give you something to do. 

Doing laundry gives me an excuse to clean under my fingernails. 

Kiswahili is becoming second nature. Finally. 

I don’t remember what a hot shower feels like, or a cold one; our cleanliness depends entirely on how initially clean the bucket is (for we take bucket baths). 

I sometimes warm myself next to a burning pile of garbage. 

I sweep dirt. 

My workdays are 24 hours long, yes even when I’m sleeping. 

I think I have more hand sanitizer than I’ll need if I were to stay here for 4 years (thank you, care packages). 

Sometimes, if I don’t leave my house and no one stops by, I can go hours without speaking a single word. 

I’m proud of how fast I can make it to the choo (bathroom) when I feel something explosive coming on.

I will never take a decent road bike and a paved road for granted ever again. 

My iPod is my lifesaver. 

Sometimes I belt out songs as if no one can hear me through my screen windows. 

I will never get used to being stared at 24/7, 365. 

Sometimes, just for fun, when it rains, I make a game out of plugging up my doors, windows and getting that basin under the leaks in my roof by timing myself. 

Traveling in Tanzania will never be easy, enjoyable, or tolerable.

My feet are always dirty. 

There are no words for the feeling of safety I get when I know my mama in the village is looking out for me.

The friendships we make here are necessary and lifelong. 

My back yearns for a mattress with springs, not a useless foam pad with a crater in the shape of my butt.

I miss my family.

I miss going to the gym. 

I miss driving.

The stars, sunrises, and sunsets are utterly breathtaking. 

The African night noises are sometimes disturbing; with a tin roof, everything is intensified and scarier.

If something falls off my walls, it takes me more than a week to put it back up. 

I will never get used to the layer of dust that covers everything. 

Never again will I feel bad about stepping on an ant on the sidewalk; the ants here are ruthless and move in unimaginable swarms.

The wind is strong, the sun is fierce, and the rain is relentless; there is nothing half-ass about the weather here.

I’d be lost without my little French press.

Cooking for one has always been difficult, but now I don’t have a fridge in which to put leftovers. 

And finally, I have never learned as much about myself – what I’m capable of, what I’m not capable of, and what I admit I need help with - than I have in these past ten months.

Completely un-work related ramblings…

For the sake of self-preservation, when I allow myself to use my computer battery at site, I’ve decided to only watch Grey’s Anatomy. There are mostly two reasons for this. 1) They hardly eat or drink, so I don’t have to stare longingly at burgers, pizza, or martinis. 2) They wear scrubs EVERY episode, so I don’t have to want their cute and fashionable clothes. My life consists mainly of fried breads, rice and beans, and the occasional French fries with an egg mixed in. Oh, and I have about 5 different shirts to choose from; talk about an extensive wardrobe! Thus, Grey’s Anatomy is my choice of entertainment…until I’ve re-watched all the seasons.

As far as cooking goes, I’ve officially mastered my best chicken chili ever. The whole process takes about 4 hours:

First is the tedious process of sorting the beans. This depends on the initial state of the beans; mostly, how many beans have had bugs burrow inside, and how many are salvageable. This takes as much time as you want to give it. However, if you’re hasty, it’s a little unnerving when you see bugs (dead of course) floating in your boiling bean water. I’m not even sure how much extra protein I’ve gotten because of this oversight…

Then comes the chore of lighting the charcoal. Sometimes it takes 5 minutes, sometimes longer. One specific time, I spent 50 minutes lighting and fanning, lighting and fanning; until I eventually just gave up and made pasta on my kerosene stove.

Next is the actual cooking of the beans. It’s not difficult, just tedious. You simply need to make sure there’s enough charcoal on the stove so it stays lit, and enough water so the beans don’t burn. Believe me, I’ve burned my fair share of beans, and it royally sucks. It’s like starting over from square one.

Once the beans are near finished, I start chopping and dicing. If I’m lucky and have just gotten back from town, I’ll have garlic, onions, tomatoes, and potatoes. Then, thanks to my Mom (shout out!) I’m able to add a packet of chicken! Of course it’s not chili without the chili powder, salt and pepper to taste. But, the key ingredient I’ve recently figured out, is tomato paste. Voila, chicken chili!

But, I’ve gotta say…there’s something peaceful and simple about putting on a pot of beans and reading a book while they cook.

I recently found another family I thoroughly enjoy spending time with. These seem like little feats, but when you live in a new village alone, you don’t get to hang out with a family everyday. Finding someone to sit and talk with means everything here. It’s a mama and her two children. The boy is one year old, and the girl is three years old. She came by my house one evening to say hi. People do this every now and again, but most of the time it doesn’t turn into anything. The initial trait that pulled me toward her was that she actually conversed with me. Some of the time when you’re sitting with a Tanzanian, you just sit. No talking, just sitting. There’s only so much small talk you can manage to conjure up, and there’s only so much you can communicate in a different language you’re not fluent in yet. This mama actually has things to talk about. And it’s not asking me about America, or what kinds of Tanzanian foods I can cook here. We talked for a good 3 hours about everything and anything. I learned a lot about her and her kids, and the hardships she has of living here. The cement of the holding tank next to her house where we catch rainwater has torn open, so there’s no water in it. The cement layer must have been ill-equipped so as a result, she’s left without water during the dry season (7 months). I asked where she gets water from, and she says she has to ask neighbors to spare water when they can. The Health Dispensary has a holding tank; apparently the doctor won’t give her water, but the nurse will. Yet, despite these hardships, her and her kids are still so happy. I watched as she gave her son a bath, and he was screaming and putting up quite a fuss. I mentioned that he clearly doesn’t like baths, and she just said he’s unfamiliar with them because he gets so few. After he a good layer of dirt came off him (only to be put back on in less than 30 minutes), they rejoined her daughter and I in the yard. All it took was one look from the girl, a smile and a laugh, and the boy was smiling and laughing right along with her. Such cute smiles. It was heartwarming. I’ve made it a point to go over there whenever I need some smiles and laughs to brighten my day J

Mama wa Tanzania

I’m blessed enough to have two loving mothers. One is in America (love you mom!), and one is my neighbor in Tanzania. Mama Kumbemba is one amazing woman. She is the Head Teacher at the Primary School, a mother of three, a leader figure in the village, and an incredible helping hand to me. She immediately made sure I was ok. The day I arrived in my village, she stood out to me. She made sure there was a sheet strung up on my bedroom window, made sure I had at least one bucket of water, and came over at night to see if I could feed myself. As far as the latter goes, my site mate biked over in the dark to give me some lovely chicken alfredo he had cooked. My first night I ate some pretty amazing food and talked to my sister, Laura J

My mama is strong-willed, determined, a hard worker and a kind soul. She never ceases to amaze me at how busy she is. She handles it well. And yet, she always has time for me. She takes the time to speak slowly, help me with words I don’t know and think through ideas with me. She even found time in her busy schedule to come with me to Morogoro as my Counterpart for a week-long training session.

So, even though I already have an amazing mom in the U.S., I’m grateful for my live-in mama for 2 years. She takes care of me. I don’t know where I’d be without her…